mornglory: (Default)
Based on your academic transcript, the status of your academic progress is In Good Standing as of The End of Time.

That statement was just too absurd not to share.
mornglory: (Default)
I am so glad the friends and family of my friends seem to have come through the London bombings alive and in one piece. Much relief there.

The small one and I had a better day today. She's gone back to nursing every couple of hours. She was in a happier mood. She took one nap in the morning. We missed the afternoon one because that was when my advisor could meet with me. She went to bed with much less fuss today, once we got on with it.

She did the cutest thing before bed. I sat on the floor, to give her some focussed attention before going to bed. She started bringing books over to me, and we read them for a bit before starting our bedtime routine. It's the first time she's shown any real interest in my reading to her. Normally we try and she takes the books away and plays with them. Today she actually let me read most of them. Or would give them back when she took them away. She even sat in my lap for some of it. Too cute. And hopefully a welcome addition to our nighttime routine. I'd love it if we could do things like this every night.

I am trying to be thankful for the less intense day, but not go "Oh thank you, things are back to normal." My latest parenting lesson is keeping in mind we are along for the ride, and thats a package deal. The days that are tough are just as much a part of it as the days that are easy. She's not here to be or do anything for me. She is her own person, and pretty dang dependent on me at that moment, but she's here for herself. And anything I want to get out of our relationship is something I have to do for myself (really, this is true in any relationship, but it's starkly clear for me in the parent-child dichotomy). I'll probably revolve around this topic later, because it's important to me, but a lot of my thoughts are well, conceptual-emotional-thoughtforms with a bodily experiential felt sense. Kinda hard to morph into words.]

But I do want to share a quote from Elizabeth Pantley's Kid Cooperation. I generally find her a little anal and a lot preachy, but this is a sermon I can get behind:
You cannot make a child eat, sleep, listen, move, say please, say I'm sorry, or go potty! Children have free will, and function totally independently of their parents from the moment of birth, even though they're totally incapable of surviving independently. It can be so frustrating. Kids are kids. They are not "rational" in the adult sense of the word. Often, we cannot understand what they are doing, or why, because they don't understand it themselves. Children are not mini-adults.

I really like that she stressed a childs functional independence. How true. I was never one to subscribe to the fused motherinfant school. I'm more of a "we are born alone, live alone, and die alone" person. As much as our lives may brush up against the lives of others, and we interact with them, we are not them and they are not us. We are the only people in our own heads, having our thoughts, feeling our emotions. No other single person experiences our stuff.

On the other hand, I also believe that we are all interconnected by all being a part of creation, so our separation is not total, but the conectedness is on a level that has nothing to do with consciousness, thoughts, emotions, or feelings. It is only by setting all of those aside, setting aside our I-ness, that we experience the connectivity. So in a sense, our I-nesses ARE always alone.

Ok, I'm sleepy now, and I'm going to go to bed.

A good day

Jun. 29th, 2005 06:43 am
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Could it be? Did it really happen? Did I just have a good day? (for the sarcastically impaired, the previous was written tongue in cheek).

Yesterday was T's first day off this week, and it was a much better day than the other's have been. We bummed around for breakfast, ate a quick lunch and I went off to meet with my advisor, who was ten minutes late, which was a bit of an annoyance (I was about ready to leave, thinking she'd forgotten), but we had a really good meeting, where she informed me that a short (read 30 page) dissertation was just fine, and not out of the normal for my school. It's not that it hasn't involved a lot of work. It has. It's just that it's more easily summarized with pretty pictures, and my conclusions, while powerful (to me at least) are also simple to explain.

See, SEE, this statistical test has more power. No matter what you are more likely to be right using this test than the lame ass, out-of-date piece of offal you've been using. So, you'll use the new test now because it's better, right? Right? I can't here you. Good. That's a nice psychologist.

Then I had a very nice chat with the lady who has been my mentor throughout school. WE had a good chat about all kinds of stuff, and it was nice to touch base with her. I really want to work on keeping in touch. She's been a big part of my life.

Then I got to hang out in the bookstore and read for a bit while T. watched LB. They went down to the park to play. Aside from getting stuck in traffic thanks to a 3-car pile up, I had a good time.

Then at home, we hung out for a bit, I talked to [ profile] pickleboot, and made dinner: buttermilk brined pork chops, garlic toast on stale french rolls, and ceasar salad, yum. After dinner we hung out for a bit, I talked to my dad, and we took the hour it now takes to get LB to sleep, since she's started this ok if you won't nurse me I want cuddled for a half hour before I fall asleep deal. Which isn't too stressful, just time consuming and kinda boring, since the room is dark and I can't go anywhere, and I'm usually not ready to go to sleep myself. I would actually like this trend to continue because it means that we don't have to do something active to get help her to sleep, like bouncing or nursing (though both of these seem to have to come before the cuddling stage, so . . . I don't know).
mornglory: (Default)
I don't know whether to bitch about my day, or philisophize about the self I want to be (prompted by Tuesdays awesome revelation). I've been very moved by the thought that I can choose what parts of people I want to emulate. It's been very liberating internally, freeing up my self to choose who I want to be, with specific examples in mind. It's kindof like creating a mosaic self out of bunches of little pieces. It's hard to do justice to with words, but the internal movement I've been getting from thinking abou it has been wonderful, and very positive and liberating. So, I've been crafting a post in my head about who I want to be. And had I actually posted it any time before now, I probably would have been able to do it justice.

However, I am in a very pissy mood. I found out that one of the other practicum students at my site is quitting, due to irreperable differences with our supervisor. And while the practicum director has talked to the third student at practicum about this issue, she hasn't contacted me (because I never complained?). And, since she's been getting phonecalls from the school about her performace, said supervisor now wants to reschedule my spervision that I missed on Wed. from coming home early, making me cancel with one of my clients. I KNEW I should never have indulged myself (even though it really did recharge my tanks and make the rest of this week tolerable). Argh! I'm just really frustrated with the pettiness of the whole situation. I just want to be left alone in my ignored little beauracratic cubbyhole so that I can go on doing what I'm doing and not need to worry about anything else. Argh!

And none of this includes the fact that I am, once again, super-exhausted from pregnancy or really fucking frustrated with myself for loosing all of the memory that was stored in my pda. It's going to make internship applications sooooooooooooo much harder. Argh! Grump! Snarfle! I just run around and scream incoherantly and wave my arms in the air.
mornglory: (Default)
So, it took me forever to get off my butt and decide to go to class last night. I ended up eating burger king for dinner (and it was bad burger king at that). I think I will stay sworn off fast food for the rest of my pregnancy. However, even though it wasn't the greatest for Sprout, the half of a medium coke that I drank was very sucessful at settling my tummy down. I think I will go to the drug store and get some coke syrup, if I can find some. That caffine shouldn't be too high, and it works a lot better than anything else to calm down my acid reflux.

Once I actually got to class, it was fun. I don't know if my opnion last week was because I was so tired, or what. But my prof. was much more enjoyable and interesting this week, and his lecture was much better, and more interactive to boot. Of course, I have signed myself up to do a three hour presentation on a major, massive test all by myself in 5 weeks. There seem to be lots of these major presentations in my future. All of my classes have them. I'll have to see if I've screwed myself over on any one week. Oh well, it's a test I am familiar with, and have given many times. I just need to look up all of the nitty gritty little details about it. If I am actually an intelligent puppy, and start this project, oh, next week sometime, I should be in good shape. Of course, I don't usually display that much sense. Maybe I can pull some of it together during reading week. Which, of course, my counseling class doesn't prescribe to, being a different department. Argh! Can't win for trying. We finnally get a spring break out of the doctoral department, sort of (a voluntary participation reading week, the prof isn't required to let students off), and I find out we are the only psych program doing it. Oh well, 'nough whining.

I had a very strange dream again last night, and I wish I could remember the full of one part of it. I only remember twins riding out of an alien forest on two black horses, going somewhere very important. The dream was as if David Brin wrote Dune meets Lord of the Rings meets Valdemar. The color quality was strange, all pale greens and greys. The forest had huge towering trees with lacy mosslike leaves the hung down, and were this ghostly pale, green-white quality. All very weird. This occured after the post-appocolyptic dream sequence, of course. I wish I could remember more. There were the makings of a good story in that dream.

I am dork

Jan. 14th, 2004 01:27 pm
mornglory: (Default)
So I have lost the information in my PDA because I am a big fat dork with computer problems. The batteries ran dry on my PDA and what I thought was backed up on my 'puter isn't because I was having so many problems with it I didn't get it backed up on the latest incarnation of my computer. DORK!

Oh well. I will survive, barely. There is just a lot of practicum data that will be impossible to recreate. Doh!

In other news, I came home sick from practicum. My tummy decided it was going to be unhappy this morning, and never really settled down. And I had absafuckinglutely nothing to do today, except meet with my supervisor, which I didn't really want to do anyway. Oh well. I feel a bit guiltily indulgent about it, but I don't want to burn out this early. I am working on the concept of reasonable pacing. Which means I still get to go listen to the good ole' boy lecture tonight.
mornglory: (Default)
So all classes, more or less, set me thinking. Something my systems prof said this morning was so apt to my situation, and was so simple, that I had one of those duh! why didn't I think of that moments. He said that we don't need to accept or reject all atributes of those people we think of as role models. We think that we accept or reject the whole person, and thus accept or reject all aspects of that person that we might emulate or seek to change in ourselves. I myself, have often done this. I don't want to do it THAT way because then I would be like X. But the simple thought that I can pick and choose, that I can emulate these qualities and reject those ones and . . . that's ok! What a simple yet revolutionary thought. It really resonated with me.


Jan. 7th, 2004 09:47 pm
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Ok. Wed. are not very pleasant this term. I have a full day at practicum (with almost nothing to do except acrue hours), and then an hour and half drive to class. I am not sure that I am going to like this professor because he seems to be an "out for me and making money" member of the good-ole-boys club of pyschologists. I have yet to really like anyone who works in "that crowd." He might suprise me. He gives off a decidedly mixed good ole boy yet competent vibe, that I am not sure how to read. We'll see. A lot of this probably has to do with how exhausted I am, and how bouncy he was. Way to bouncy for 6-9p at night, as far as this morning person was concerned.


Dec. 29th, 2003 03:50 pm
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Ok, I just bothered to check my grades, silly me, only just now remembering to do that. But I got A's in both my graded classes! Yeah. I'm proud of me. That's the first A I've even gotten in a class taught by my mentor. Whoohoo. I must be doing something right! Go me.
mornglory: (Default)
I'm just really, really tired, and am having a bout of morning sickness that is so bad it's making me think stomach flu (read throwing up multiple times a day). And I am currently rather too confused about how I feel about anything to post it in a coherant fashion. *whine*

Ok, now that that's out of my system. I just finished up the last assignment of the term, and emailed it off to the professor. After class tonight, winter break will officially start, but, oh yeah, I have a whole FREAKING 8 extra hours of practicum next week, because I have to go in for training they told us we didn't need, but now someone has gotten pissy and decided we do need it, and it's 16 fucking hours of training. Whoof. That's an evil run on sentence. Ah well. Anyway. I am sooooooooooo not happy about the that, not the least of which is that I had to reschedule my prenatal because it was on Tuesday. And I got told that didn't really matter. Grrrrrr.

On the other hand, I've actually been getting to see my husband some, which is nice, even though he was a dork, and stayed at work an hour late yesterday, because the store does not have a functional clock. FFS.

Ok, I am going to go loose myself in computer games now.
mornglory: (Default)
I've been so crazed I haven't posted a general journalling entry in a while. After having had such weeny winters the past two years, it's nice to see some snow, even if it does likely fuck up my plans for the day. The thought of being snuggled up at home drinking hot rooibos with honey, or hot cocoa just sounds wonderful, all snuggled up in blankets, even if I do have to write my presentation for my dissertation. I need to figure out how to explain statistics to the uninterested lay person, when all of the text books I have even speak statistician and not english. Who am I to presume to translate math into english in less that 24 hours? Ok, I am a bit of a wanker to leave things off this long, but I did just want to get it out of the way.

Then, after I find my micro recorder that I bought yesterday, I need to do a 45 minute interview with someone about a dream they've had before Tuesday night, and then critique my performance. Unfortunately, the style of dream interpretation that I prefer to use won't work with the person I have available to work with. Ah well, we'll just have to see what happens when I try to use a new style. I'll have to review it before I do the interview.
mornglory: (Default)
So I feel well enough and energized enough this morning to go to practicum. Only I get there to find out that all my groups today are cancelled because all of the real staff on my unit had training today, all day. So I got to sit around and do nothing other than read my book all morning. Which was all right by me, but then I finished my book. I mostly hung around because I have supervision today.

The bright spot in the day was the pot luck at practicum. They were gracious enough to share, and most of it was homemade. One woman had made the most delicious homemade BBQ wings. They were to die for they were so nummy.

Then it was off to supervision, and on home, to find that hubby hadn't vacuumed or done dishes. Much growlage. Ah well. At least I have been feeling better today.
mornglory: (Default)
Ok, just because I'm in the middle of it, I feel the need to complain about it. I hate report writing, only I don't really. I hate the not knowing the system well enough to write a report for them, and knowing my first attempt is going to get shredded to pieces. Argh! I guess it's my fault for putting it off for so long, but I really don't know what he wants or what he's looking for and if i group test results together or separate them out. Argh! I say again, Argh! I just really wish people could be very clear about these things. Of course, then I'd feel micromanaged but . . . a little more clarity and direction that what I've been given would be nice.
mornglory: (Default)
Well now, it looks like I've solved some of my school issues (well, I have a solution to enact. I need to actually make the changes to my schedule). I talked to the formerly uncooperative dean, who told me I was supposed to be able to take my systems therapy class with a baby due the middle of the term. He says I can take the equivalent class in the counseling department instead, since it is offered next semester. It conflicts with one of the classes I though I had to take (but found out I actually don't, so that space is free) but I still need to make up an elective (i think, i need to check my schedule).

The elective I would take would be on a wednsday night. This means I would have to drive straight from St. Peter to class, with almost no time to eat dinner, and wouldn't get home until 9p. Oh boy, just what I want to do. It also means I would have three classes plus practicum (something I have been trying to avoid). This would leave me with absafuckinglutely no free time, at all, whatsoever, for anything but school, and ocassioanlly sleeping next to my husband. Oh boy! Just what I always wanted, even less life than I have now.

Well, ok, I suppose that is enough griping for something that worked out to my favor in the end. I just need to check my transcript to see if I honestly need another elective.

Ok world, that's enough news for now.
mornglory: (Default)
Ok, so I had made this deal with one of my supervisors to come down on Thursday afternoons and get in some extra hours, to back against an early delivery. Only, he wasn't there today, hadn't left anything for me to do, and seem to have completely forgotten I was supposed to be there at all. He did not leave me a message saying he wasn't going to be there. This is the second time he's done that to me. And HE got on MY case for not calling him when I went home sick. GARWL!

But, on the small bright side of this large waste of gasoline and time, I grabbed lunch at the Co-op in St. Peter and some really good falafel, which is really strange, 'cause I usually hate falafel. And that's the second time in a row I've had falafel i've liked. Go figure. It could have had something to do with the lemon tahini dressing, which was out of this world yummy. I'll have to hope they have that again. Alas. I am off to rescue something from my day and get some homework done.
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Ok, so the registration problem is fixed after a call to student services. I called up the main school number because I couldn't find my call list sheet. And I told the secretary I was trying to get a hold of student services.
Secretary: Well keep trying then. *click* *transfer*
Me, as she's doing this: Could I have the number please?

Ugh! I didn't think I was being at all rude, and even though she's having a bad day because it's registration she doesn't need to take it out on me. But, since I talked to student services and the problem is fixed . . . c'est la vie.
mornglory: (Default)
Ok, the stay started off pretty crappy, and then inexplicably got better. It started off with the professor having assigned us the wrong reading for class this morning, and then not really having anything to talk about because nobody had done the reading she though we had. Then I got next semesters course offerings, to find out one of the three classes I absolutely have to take to graduate isn't being offered (even though they said it would be in the fall) and this completely screws me over as far as completing my course work goes. Which messes up financial aide. And doesn't really leave me the ability to take this class that I need, since it is offered in the summer, but my baby is due the middle of summer term. So how on earth am I supposed to take this class. Hmmmmmmmm?

Over the weekend I couldn't find one of the books I though I was supposed to do my reading in for dreams class. I eventually found it today when I got home and hastened to do my reading for dreams, only to find out tonight that I read one week ahead. (I forgot we had lost a week due to the prof. being sick, since I called in sick the same night and nobody told me class was cancelled). The book that I hastened to read The Dream Fontier is absafuckinglutely marvelous. It is well written, clear, informative and evocative. I feel like rain just fell on a parched area of my soul, and I didn't even know it was parched until I felt it open up reading this book. I begrudged the time it took me to cook and eat dinner because I wanted to keep reading. It is an amazing book, and I highly recomend it for anyone interested in dreams and dreamwork, or even if you are just interested in psychology. Okay, you do have to be willing to put up with some of the Freudian stuff, but that's because the man founded modern dream interpretation. Everyone refers back to him, if only to say how they're not like him.

Ok. So that was the good part of my day, and I'm in an oddly good mood because of it. Weird!!!!!!!! Ok, it could also be because I had lunch at my favorite chinese restaraunt and pigged out on crab rangoon too.

an ok day

Oct. 21st, 2003 09:35 pm
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All told, today was ok. All of my classes today were interesting. I feel like I actually learned stuff in them. Maybe later this week I'll post the model of change I learned in Therapy class today. I think it is something worth considering for anyone, not just psychologists. We got to analyze the Garden of Eden myth as if it was our professor's dream as a group midterm in Dreams class. That was actually lots of fun. Even though the class is at night, I wouldn't trade taking it for the world. I think it is one of the best classes I've ever had.
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Today went relatively well. I had an enjoyable morning with Prime. We went out to IHOP for breakfast. Their new pumpkin pancakes are actually tasty. My stomach wasn't overly thrilled, but it tasted good. I worked on something for seminar that the professor had asked me to do, then didn't seem to care that I'd done. Go figure. Sometimes, people are just assholes. But, between the work and the asshole, tutoring was good. One nice student insisted on paying me, even though she still had a credit because she cancelled out on me last week. And I told her so. Then the other one bought me a scone, as well as paying me her regular fee. Do they think I'm not charging enough, or what?

This evening was fairly relaxing. I made macaroni and cheese (homemade, of course) with these funky, multi-vegy organic rotinis. Aside from the beet flavored rotini, it was good. I also made homemade ceasar salad dressing. A little rich on the tummy, but very good. I'd been wanting ceasar salad for a while.

And you know what. That's about all that went on today.
mornglory: (Default)
Ok, I tried to post the details earlier about more problems at practicum but my computer gave me fits and wouldn't post it so . . . suffice to say there are more problems surrounding Miss PA, some of which actually is my fault. It was just communicated thir hand again, even though she has my contact info. And that is all I am going to say. I had a long discussion on the issue and I have vented all that I need to. Good day.


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