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We're getting settled into our space. I'm hoping to find the product that is Pop approved for hanging pictures, so I can help the space feel more like home with my own art hanging up. And if I can find some drawer lining paper, I can increase storage space by 3 built in drawers. I'd also like to get some pegs and shelves, and increase the usefulness of the bookshelves that got stashed up here. Hey, they didn't get to them. Maybe I can even unpack some onto the bookshelves in the basement that are ours.

It is decidedly weird living with so many other people. There is an assumption of communal property that I'm just not used to. And I tried to do laundry only to interrupt someones laundry cue, so I'm all for assigning laundry days, but I'm not sure that will fly with anyone. At least I get my own car today. T starts work and Pop doesn't have any "oh, we're going to need one of your cars today" (I checked yesterday).

more later.
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Well, the aches and pains are over, and I just have the post post nasal drip hack and a sore throat.

Today is T's last day at work. Here's hoping we hear about a chicago job today.

Yikes, we move in a week. I'm glad we'll have help. There is still a lot of stuff that needs to get done.

I am almost done with a draft of my dissertation. I expect that I'll be finished this weekend. That will be good. Then it's up to my comitee to get it back to me before they all go on vacation. I'd love to be in editing by sept (so I can save myself $800 dollars to start with). Oh gosh, I might actually graduate after all.
How weird will that be.
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Alrighty, so far today we've:
  • gotten the ac in my can fixed. Whoot!

  • edited the results section of my dissertation, and started the discussion

  • gotten groceries, even if we forgot maple syrup.

  • been to the post office to see why we weren't getting mail. the delivery person arbitrarily decided that since we had no name tag by our mail box and he was putting mail in the wrong boxes and it kept getting left on the shelf that we didn't live there anymore and wasn't delivering our mail.

  • cooked meals for today and tomorrow

  • done a load of dishes

  • come down with colds

  • gotten the little one down for a nap

So far, so good, aside from the small one and I having colds. I though LB was teething but then I started feeling ookie, so . . . the consensus is we're sick. I've been drinking mad amounts of water, and have recently switched to mint tea. I hope it helps scour the ookie nasal drip out of my throat.

Well, off to play with my dissertation some more.

Goal: Finish on sunday!
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I remember when she was three months old, that people would say, just hang on until she's 5 months, and things will get much better. So I gritted my teeth, sharpened my mental finger and toenails, and hung on, and things got better. She nursed less, she slept more. She became ever more self-entertaining.

Now, she's a year old, almost 13 months, and things are just hellish. Her sleep schedule is whacked. It's impossible to tell if she wants one or two on a given day. No matter what I try to guess, I seem to guess wrong. If she does get two naps a day, bed time is still miserable. I understand it's supposed to take an hour to settle her for bed, but . . . does it have to be an hour of screaming, thrashing, and either constant nusring (complete with friction burning in my nipple, and pinching, and grabbing) or constant screaming and demands for nursing. The best I can do is drape my body across hers so that she can't throw herself around (like knocking her head into crib bars) until she settles and goes to sleep. She seems to find it comforting, since once she realizes she can't go anywhere she WILL settle, but . . . I feel kinda horrible for "restraining" her to sleep. But I simple can not stand to nurse her that long. It hurts. Rather a lot. And we only nurse on one side because of the scarring, so there's no flipping back and forth. She wants nothing whatsoever to do with the right side. I've tried.

And she gets so upset and wails and screams and howls when she can't nurse, not just for sleeping, but during the day too. My new rule is that she can only nurse once an hour. I'll say yes once every hour duing the day and let her nurse for ten minutes. This is for my sanity, so we have yes and no limits that I can follow and have some structure. I'm going to try getting out more, but it's hard since I need to work on my dissertation too. And pack. Let's not forget packing. I'm trying to be a good mother, but I'm not only a mother, and I'm really just burned out with everything.

It's not all bad. Today she was cute and fun to be around for a few hours, and that was nice. I payed attention to that time and enjoyed it. I'll try to organize tomorrow better, and maybe we can have some more sanity. I keep believing that there is more sanity to be had. I'm just not sure what combination of behaviors on my part unlock the sanity.

Maybe it's just outlook. Probably couldn't hurt to try and have a more tolerant one of those. I can be more compassionate with her and myself. That will help. I'll try that. See, I now have something to try, which is all I really needed. I feel better.

A good day

Jun. 29th, 2005 06:43 am
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Could it be? Did it really happen? Did I just have a good day? (for the sarcastically impaired, the previous was written tongue in cheek).

Yesterday was T's first day off this week, and it was a much better day than the other's have been. We bummed around for breakfast, ate a quick lunch and I went off to meet with my advisor, who was ten minutes late, which was a bit of an annoyance (I was about ready to leave, thinking she'd forgotten), but we had a really good meeting, where she informed me that a short (read 30 page) dissertation was just fine, and not out of the normal for my school. It's not that it hasn't involved a lot of work. It has. It's just that it's more easily summarized with pretty pictures, and my conclusions, while powerful (to me at least) are also simple to explain.

See, SEE, this statistical test has more power. No matter what you are more likely to be right using this test than the lame ass, out-of-date piece of offal you've been using. So, you'll use the new test now because it's better, right? Right? I can't here you. Good. That's a nice psychologist.

Then I had a very nice chat with the lady who has been my mentor throughout school. WE had a good chat about all kinds of stuff, and it was nice to touch base with her. I really want to work on keeping in touch. She's been a big part of my life.

Then I got to hang out in the bookstore and read for a bit while T. watched LB. They went down to the park to play. Aside from getting stuck in traffic thanks to a 3-car pile up, I had a good time.

Then at home, we hung out for a bit, I talked to [ profile] pickleboot, and made dinner: buttermilk brined pork chops, garlic toast on stale french rolls, and ceasar salad, yum. After dinner we hung out for a bit, I talked to my dad, and we took the hour it now takes to get LB to sleep, since she's started this ok if you won't nurse me I want cuddled for a half hour before I fall asleep deal. Which isn't too stressful, just time consuming and kinda boring, since the room is dark and I can't go anywhere, and I'm usually not ready to go to sleep myself. I would actually like this trend to continue because it means that we don't have to do something active to get help her to sleep, like bouncing or nursing (though both of these seem to have to come before the cuddling stage, so . . . I don't know).
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Well, I've done a fair amount today. I got some dishes done. I cooked up some yummy lentils done up in cider with a few cranberries thrown in for pazazz (we'll see how that works). I read my homework reading for tomorrow's class (though no other reading has gotten done). I went to visit a friend and had a nice afternoon while he cooked and we watched so anime. Tonight I will make some cranberry pork, and I may even get some homemade granola done (though that is a bit labor intensive). Who know, I may even get some more homework reading done.

thoughts on strays and life )

i hate UPS

Jan. 10th, 2004 08:26 am
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I have never had a UPS driver try to deliver past six, so that's when I left to go to my party. Except this guy apparently tried to deliver at 6 fucking 20 at night! Growl. Now, they're not going to try to deliver again until monday! Grrrr. Much Grrrr. More grrrrrring.
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Urgh! Not used to my new schedule yet, forget to shower and lay out my clothes last night. Now my morning is rushed so I can get to practicum on time (something I failed miserably to do in Nov.)

Yesterday was good. Not too much work, the right amount of play.

Tonight should be fun, get to go to a party. Yeah!

Today should be ok, though fridays are one of my busiest days of the week. Does anyone know if UPS is open on Sat? They are slated to try and deliver my textbooks today, and it would be nice to know if I could pick them up tomorrow morning, rather than having to go to the library, knowing they are sitting there waiting for me just 1/2 mile down the road. Argh! Oh well, c'est la vie. Maybe the super will be home today and accept the package. I hope so, at any rate.
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Day 1, 2004. Wow. This will be an interesting year. I'll finish up my classes, have a baby, be done with most of my training for school. And maybe I'll even get my master's thesis written. That's just kinda cool.

Last night was fun. I ended up at two parties, which wasn't our plan for the evening, but was definately enjoyable. Hubby made some new friends passing massages around both parties, even though I didn't get one (pout). Maybe this morning he'll feel up to it. :) It was good to see some old friends last night that I hadn't seen in a while. Hopefully I'll feel up to socializing once school starts, and I get busier. I worry about that.

Well, I've still got lots to do today:

  • wash the sheets and make the bed in the spare room. Hopefully I have enough blankets
    wash dishes (what else?)
    put away clean clothes that hubby washed yesterday
    consider making french onion soup (the onion stock base at least)
    order books (again, since my credit card's fucked up)

Okay, that's everything I can think of for right now, and I guess I'll have most of tomorrow to work on it too.
Happy New Year everyone. May it bring one thing you truly desire.
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My second day to myself has gone about as productively as I could realistically expect of myself. I spent the morning lazing around with my computer game. Then I went to the library, and while they didn't have the book I really wanted, I found some stuff I've been eyeing in the bookstore. Then I did suceed in vacuuming and doing another load of dishes, and making up some sweet tea. Now I am cooking up some beef stock (french onion soup is in my future). And I set up an overnight soaker that will form the base of a new bread recipe I get to try tomorrow. Now, I just need to figure out what else I want to cook tonight (I'm in a very foody mood).

I am feeling pretty good about things at the moment, other than the fact that I'm worried about my credit card, which does not seem to be accepting charges, and I am nowhere near my credit limit on it. So I haven't gotten a confirmation of order notice on my textbooks. Hmmmmmm. I wonder what's going on? Who knows, I did send them some money, so hopefully things will straighten out.
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So, while I didn't manage to vacuum today, and there are some dishes in the sink, I did get a fair amount done today. Two loads of dishes and a deposited check later . . . Now tomorrow, I need to vacuum (really) and finish up with todays dishes (most of them from cooking dinner). And, if I'm feeling really bold, I'll wash the sheets in the spare room, and generally freshen up in there. Ok, now I need to introduce some exercise into the routine as well, and get back to drinking my herbal tea for uterine tone and iron and I'll be all good.

Yup, I can do this. Just gotta keep on going with a positive attitude, and not slip back into the comfortable lassistude of boredom. Though I'm sure I'll long for it soon enough. Just gotta learn how to pace myself. You know, it's truly amazing the things I've been willing to learn now that I'm pregnant. It's amazing how unwilling I am to push myself until I drop with this extra life entrusted in my care. Mayhap I will actually find that balance point that I've been elluding for so long.

And for a randomly good sign, though the "original" nail on the finger that got bashed was falling off (and I finally trimmed it off, except for a small piece today) there is half a nail bed's worth of healthy attached fingernail that was growing unseen underneath the dead nail. Yeah! My finger may look ugly now, but in a couple of months, no one will be able to tell I even mashed it.

Now, I need to find something else to reread before I run to the library for new books tomorrow.
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Ok, I looked over my past few journal entries, and I'm just plain annoyed with myself. Enough of this sitting on my ass and feeling sorry for me. I realize perhaps I am judging myself a little harshly, but sometimes getting stern with with myself is the only way to break the cycle. I want to get things DONE today. I want a clean sink, with all of the dishes done and put away. I want to vacuum the floor, even under the litter boxes. I want to get to the bank, and deposit the Christmas money my husband was kind enough to loan me, until my loan money gets here, so the bills can get paid. Ok, I thinks that probably also enough for one day. Maybe tomorrow I'll tackle the bathroom and the spare room, so there are nice and clean for [ profile] foxxydancr's visit.

I am feeling better than I did last week, both physically and emotionally. And while I might bemoan the fact that my my husband works two days of back to back shifts, it gives me time to work on everything. And things to do to distract myself from missing my husband. I have definately been very needful of late, more perhaps than my husband can give. I hope that we can survive the relationship strain that this pregnancy and baby are going to put on our relationship. Ok, enough of that. I told myself I was going to be more positive today. And I am. We will work things out, we always have. We just haven't figured it out yet. This burst of energy and perseverance will carry me as far as it needs to, and then I'll find a new one when I have to. One more semester of school, a big book report, a proposal, and a baby. Can't think past that. Gonna make it. Gonna do it. Yupyup.
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Ugh! I feel so hung over. I guess it was my interrupted sleep. Of course if I feel shitty I can't imagine how must my husband must feel. He closed at his second job last night, which meant he probably got home between 11p ans 11:30p. Then he had to be at work at 4 fucking am this morning to open at his other job. I woke up with his alarm, noticed the lights a little later and couldn't get back to sleep. So after he left I finished the book I was reading, which took me until about 6a, and then slept in until 10a, an unheard of feet for me. Whew. I think I overdid it. I feel groggy and achy and I'm getting a headache. Oh well. And my poor husband works his second job today too, a closing shift, and then has a more resonable early shift tomorrow morning. I'll be suprised if he is alive enough tomorrow to open presents.

And on a completely different note: don't try to eat grapefruit when you're lips are completely chapped. It's really painful.
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Food should not come to table accompanied by it's own battle cry. Prime and I decided to go to a new restaraunt today, the Pannekoeken Huis, which has this whole dutch themed IHOP ripoff thing going on. Well anyway, if you order a Pannekoeken, the waitress delivers it to the table accompanied by a cheery exclamation of "Pannekoeken!" Kinda like getting Oompahed at a greek restaraunt, only at 9a in the morning. Much to eary for that kind of silliness.

The rest of the day was fairly busy. Lots of homework, going to school to do more homework, and then some christmas shopping. Yeah! One trip to the bookstore and I'm halfway done.

I watche Hearts in Atlantis this evening. A good if disturbing movie. Got to love Steven King adaptations for just that reason.
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Ok, despite the overwhelming amount of schoolwork I need to do and a report to write for practicum, I spent today doing other stuff, most of it frivolous. I went and had lunch with my husband, since he worked a doulble shift today. Then I checked out some maternity clothing (there's lots of cute maternity clothes out there. I was impressed). Then I hit this new yuppy little strip mall in Savage, where a new Penzey's store just opened up. I got some spices there, went next door and bought some yummy candles. From there it was off to Super Target to get some food. Some just to eat, some for ritual tomorrow night. Of all places, Super Target has yummy sushi (i was good, I got the vegetarian sushi). It even has pickled ginger and wasabi paste with it. I was very pleased with the product.

I also cooked two very yummy things today. This morning, I slow cooked some cherry tomatoes at low heat for about three hours. Oooooooh boy, they were delectable later in the day. I've eaten all but two already. Then, after my shopping spree, I mulled some cider with penzey's mulling spice blend and about 2/3 cup of frozen cranberries. It came out all yummy and kinda sour, and this absolutely gorgeous red color. Yeah for me.

So, I feel much better today, esentially having pampered myself. My stomach isn't being too sure about all of this weird stuff I've put in it, but I'm hoping it will settle down.

Now I'm off to the homework portion of the evening.


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