mornglory: (Default)
Alrighty, so far today we've:
  • gotten the ac in my can fixed. Whoot!

  • edited the results section of my dissertation, and started the discussion

  • gotten groceries, even if we forgot maple syrup.

  • been to the post office to see why we weren't getting mail. the delivery person arbitrarily decided that since we had no name tag by our mail box and he was putting mail in the wrong boxes and it kept getting left on the shelf that we didn't live there anymore and wasn't delivering our mail.

  • cooked meals for today and tomorrow

  • done a load of dishes

  • come down with colds

  • gotten the little one down for a nap

So far, so good, aside from the small one and I having colds. I though LB was teething but then I started feeling ookie, so . . . the consensus is we're sick. I've been drinking mad amounts of water, and have recently switched to mint tea. I hope it helps scour the ookie nasal drip out of my throat.

Well, off to play with my dissertation some more.

Goal: Finish on sunday!
mornglory: (Default)
Ok, I'm trying to keep up with my attempt at having a more balanced journal, rather than a dumping ground for all the stress in my life.

When LB is not screaming and whining and snivelling with teething pain, she is very cute. At my husband's prompting the other night, she gave me a backrub while she stood behind me on the couch. He would tell her to rub my back, and she would, and then lay her head on my shoulder, and then rub my back some more. He's so proud of her. I hope she's willing to do it again. Yesterday, we were eating a nectarine for desert. She took the paper towel out of my hands and dabbed my mouth with it every time I took a bite. It was too cute for words.

I think I have the results section of my dissertation done. I'll read over it tonight or tomorrow and see. I'm really tired from sleeping poorly because LB is teething. I hope this molar cuts soon. It's really got her upset, poor kid. And poor parents too. It's amazing how disruptive teeth can be in a family.

I can't believe we move in less than 2 weeks. I'm excited and scared.

I think I'm going to go try to watch I heart Huckabees now.
mornglory: (Default)
Here's a section I like even better from Elizabeth Pantley's Kid Cooperation(1996, p125):

When mother's, or father's, measure their self-woth based on their child's behavior, it's all too easy to feel personally threatened by episodes of misbehavior. Parents caught in this way of thinking may have trouble acheiving distance and a sense of seperateness required to take action rather than react to what their children say and do. It also makes it hard for children to develop the seperate sense of self they need in figuring out just who they are -- and who they aren't. This problem is demonstrated in the common analogy comparing children to clay -- they are formed into a finished product by their parents. Hogwash! I have three childen, close in age, same parents, same home, same school; yet they are as different as day, night, and afternoon! I think a better analogy than the traditional "clay" story would go something like this:

Children are like seedlings. Some are like apple trees, some orange, some maple. SOme may be more like tomato plants or rosebushes. Parents are like gardeners. The must water, weed, and thend to their young plants. They must know when to support the young plant with a stick, or protect it with a jar. A good parent, like a good gardener, can help a plant become healthy, vibrant, and full of fruit. But a parent, like a gardener, cannot change an apple tree into a maple tree, or a tomato plant into a rosebush.

I really like the gardening metaphor. It resonates for me.
mornglory: (Default)
I am so glad the friends and family of my friends seem to have come through the London bombings alive and in one piece. Much relief there.

The small one and I had a better day today. She's gone back to nursing every couple of hours. She was in a happier mood. She took one nap in the morning. We missed the afternoon one because that was when my advisor could meet with me. She went to bed with much less fuss today, once we got on with it.

She did the cutest thing before bed. I sat on the floor, to give her some focussed attention before going to bed. She started bringing books over to me, and we read them for a bit before starting our bedtime routine. It's the first time she's shown any real interest in my reading to her. Normally we try and she takes the books away and plays with them. Today she actually let me read most of them. Or would give them back when she took them away. She even sat in my lap for some of it. Too cute. And hopefully a welcome addition to our nighttime routine. I'd love it if we could do things like this every night.

I am trying to be thankful for the less intense day, but not go "Oh thank you, things are back to normal." My latest parenting lesson is keeping in mind we are along for the ride, and thats a package deal. The days that are tough are just as much a part of it as the days that are easy. She's not here to be or do anything for me. She is her own person, and pretty dang dependent on me at that moment, but she's here for herself. And anything I want to get out of our relationship is something I have to do for myself (really, this is true in any relationship, but it's starkly clear for me in the parent-child dichotomy). I'll probably revolve around this topic later, because it's important to me, but a lot of my thoughts are well, conceptual-emotional-thoughtforms with a bodily experiential felt sense. Kinda hard to morph into words.]

But I do want to share a quote from Elizabeth Pantley's Kid Cooperation. I generally find her a little anal and a lot preachy, but this is a sermon I can get behind:
You cannot make a child eat, sleep, listen, move, say please, say I'm sorry, or go potty! Children have free will, and function totally independently of their parents from the moment of birth, even though they're totally incapable of surviving independently. It can be so frustrating. Kids are kids. They are not "rational" in the adult sense of the word. Often, we cannot understand what they are doing, or why, because they don't understand it themselves. Children are not mini-adults.

I really like that she stressed a childs functional independence. How true. I was never one to subscribe to the fused motherinfant school. I'm more of a "we are born alone, live alone, and die alone" person. As much as our lives may brush up against the lives of others, and we interact with them, we are not them and they are not us. We are the only people in our own heads, having our thoughts, feeling our emotions. No other single person experiences our stuff.

On the other hand, I also believe that we are all interconnected by all being a part of creation, so our separation is not total, but the conectedness is on a level that has nothing to do with consciousness, thoughts, emotions, or feelings. It is only by setting all of those aside, setting aside our I-ness, that we experience the connectivity. So in a sense, our I-nesses ARE always alone.

Ok, I'm sleepy now, and I'm going to go to bed.


Jul. 6th, 2005 08:32 pm
mornglory: (Default)
today, ok, partially good mood baby. 3 hour nursing gap in the afternoon. 1 nap this morning. no afternoon nap (tried and no joy).

this evening, hell. fell asleep nursing in my lap, 2 hours to then get settled in bed.

Note to self. Just wake her up and stay up until 7p, when you are willing to go to bed with her if she's feeling uber touchy. Got it self? We don't need another night like tonight, where we start to all kinds of nasty things. Much easier on everyone. Ok.
mornglory: (Default)
I wanted to say thankyou to everyone who responded to last nights post with suggestions. Not only was it nice to hear kind words from people, but there were plenty of helpful suggestions there.

So, here is what we are going to try:

  • cutting the cow milk based foods out of her diet. if she responds well to that, i'll try adding goat's milk back into her diet first

  • get out with her more, no matter what time of day it is, even if it's just a walk to the playground a couple of blocks away

  • consistantly try for 2 naps a day at 9:30a and 2p, or earlier if she's showing signs of sleepiness. A consistent bed time routine when she is demonstrating fatigue, starting no later that 8:30p (that's on days where she gets 2 naps in)

  • find her some tummy medicine and try it

  • if the tummy medicine doesn't work a few days of tylenol and motrin to see if it's teething pain that's upsetting her

  • try this for 3 or 4 days, review, and if still in crisis, go see doctor

I'll try to remember to post what works and what doesn't. Probably just feeling like I have a plan for doing something will help.
mornglory: (Default)
I remember when she was three months old, that people would say, just hang on until she's 5 months, and things will get much better. So I gritted my teeth, sharpened my mental finger and toenails, and hung on, and things got better. She nursed less, she slept more. She became ever more self-entertaining.

Now, she's a year old, almost 13 months, and things are just hellish. Her sleep schedule is whacked. It's impossible to tell if she wants one or two on a given day. No matter what I try to guess, I seem to guess wrong. If she does get two naps a day, bed time is still miserable. I understand it's supposed to take an hour to settle her for bed, but . . . does it have to be an hour of screaming, thrashing, and either constant nusring (complete with friction burning in my nipple, and pinching, and grabbing) or constant screaming and demands for nursing. The best I can do is drape my body across hers so that she can't throw herself around (like knocking her head into crib bars) until she settles and goes to sleep. She seems to find it comforting, since once she realizes she can't go anywhere she WILL settle, but . . . I feel kinda horrible for "restraining" her to sleep. But I simple can not stand to nurse her that long. It hurts. Rather a lot. And we only nurse on one side because of the scarring, so there's no flipping back and forth. She wants nothing whatsoever to do with the right side. I've tried.

And she gets so upset and wails and screams and howls when she can't nurse, not just for sleeping, but during the day too. My new rule is that she can only nurse once an hour. I'll say yes once every hour duing the day and let her nurse for ten minutes. This is for my sanity, so we have yes and no limits that I can follow and have some structure. I'm going to try getting out more, but it's hard since I need to work on my dissertation too. And pack. Let's not forget packing. I'm trying to be a good mother, but I'm not only a mother, and I'm really just burned out with everything.

It's not all bad. Today she was cute and fun to be around for a few hours, and that was nice. I payed attention to that time and enjoyed it. I'll try to organize tomorrow better, and maybe we can have some more sanity. I keep believing that there is more sanity to be had. I'm just not sure what combination of behaviors on my part unlock the sanity.

Maybe it's just outlook. Probably couldn't hurt to try and have a more tolerant one of those. I can be more compassionate with her and myself. That will help. I'll try that. See, I now have something to try, which is all I really needed. I feel better.
mornglory: (Default)
We've been having a LB rollercoaster with sleeping lately. Wednsday she took practically no naps, but went to bed like a dream and slept for 12 hours. Yesterday she went to sleep for two naps in under five minutes each time, slept for 2 hours, then 1 1/2 hours, but took an hour and half to get to bed (almost 9:30). I really wish we could find a balance that works. I knew her afternoon nap was going to mess bedtime up a bit since she slept from 3:30p to 5:00p but she's grumpy for hours if I try to wake her up, since my usual rule of thumb is to not let her nap past 4:30p. I was happy when she woke up at 4:15, I turned the light on and lay down to nurse her awake and lo and behold she went right back to sleep, even with the light on.

I'm up so early because she kept wanting to nurse at night, about every two or three hours, though it gets worse in the early mornings. I finally just couldn't get back to sleep. I don't want to night wean her though, since it will be our only real time to breastfeed come September. I'll be gone between ten and 12 hours a day, and likely not able to pump. So we are kinda sorta working on day weaning, but I've not gotten serious about it yet. Mostly because she refuses to drink anything but water, so I'm worried about her getting enough calcium, even though she eats cheese like it's going out of style, and will happily have some with every meal.

A good day

Jun. 29th, 2005 06:43 am
mornglory: (Default)
Could it be? Did it really happen? Did I just have a good day? (for the sarcastically impaired, the previous was written tongue in cheek).

Yesterday was T's first day off this week, and it was a much better day than the other's have been. We bummed around for breakfast, ate a quick lunch and I went off to meet with my advisor, who was ten minutes late, which was a bit of an annoyance (I was about ready to leave, thinking she'd forgotten), but we had a really good meeting, where she informed me that a short (read 30 page) dissertation was just fine, and not out of the normal for my school. It's not that it hasn't involved a lot of work. It has. It's just that it's more easily summarized with pretty pictures, and my conclusions, while powerful (to me at least) are also simple to explain.

See, SEE, this statistical test has more power. No matter what you are more likely to be right using this test than the lame ass, out-of-date piece of offal you've been using. So, you'll use the new test now because it's better, right? Right? I can't here you. Good. That's a nice psychologist.

Then I had a very nice chat with the lady who has been my mentor throughout school. WE had a good chat about all kinds of stuff, and it was nice to touch base with her. I really want to work on keeping in touch. She's been a big part of my life.

Then I got to hang out in the bookstore and read for a bit while T. watched LB. They went down to the park to play. Aside from getting stuck in traffic thanks to a 3-car pile up, I had a good time.

Then at home, we hung out for a bit, I talked to [ profile] pickleboot, and made dinner: buttermilk brined pork chops, garlic toast on stale french rolls, and ceasar salad, yum. After dinner we hung out for a bit, I talked to my dad, and we took the hour it now takes to get LB to sleep, since she's started this ok if you won't nurse me I want cuddled for a half hour before I fall asleep deal. Which isn't too stressful, just time consuming and kinda boring, since the room is dark and I can't go anywhere, and I'm usually not ready to go to sleep myself. I would actually like this trend to continue because it means that we don't have to do something active to get help her to sleep, like bouncing or nursing (though both of these seem to have to come before the cuddling stage, so . . . I don't know).
mornglory: (Default)
Well, I've been kinda crumbly in my posts lately, so lest y'all think I only focus on the bad in my life, the bebe is actually cute and sweet more often than she is not.

On the talking front, LB is much vocal. She will have nonsensical conversations with herself, us, the cats, you name it. One of the most often ocurring phrases is mmmmnnnnummmm. She loves to try and hug the cats. Yesterday, while I was sitting on the couch, Gurgi was perched on the back of the futon. LB stood up on the futn draped an arm over the cat, and lay her head down on his shoulder, so their heads were right next to each other. It was just too adorable for words. When we sit down to eat, we are still generally feeding food to LB, as she prefers to run around during meals, as opposed to sitting in her high chair. Recently, when she gets full, she will take a piece of food from us, and then feed it back to us. She loves it if we will ocassionaly take nibbles from her fingers too.


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