mornglory: (Default)
Definately an interesting day today, but I don't think I am going to share much, since I seem to be sharing in a manner that comes back to bite in me in the ass later. It's part of what I'm not sharing about today.

*********

I have been reading Motivational Interviewing by Miller and Rolnick, I believe, as required reading for my job this past week. I was initially quite grumpy about having to read this book because I couldn't find it in town, had to order it, had UPS issues getting it, and that left me with 6 days to read it. While I am not going to get it finished before work, I am certainly enjoying reading it.

It is a style of intervention with a client that really *clicks* for me. I like what I'm reading about, I like the theory behind it, and I want to learn more. I'm excited that our therapy supervisor recommended this book, since that is a good indication that this is his style. I feel like I've been groping towards this kind of intervention and didn't even know it existed.

It is a technique for therapeutically helping people resolve internal conflicts and make decisions. It's not about making decisions for them, but a set of guidelines, based out of Rogerian active listening, for how to help people come to decisions and actions intrinsically. I love how it views abiguity as a natural part of change, and defensivesness and resistance as an informative relational variable and not a flaw in the client. It is a more laid back style of intervention than I was normally taught and I am loving it.

**********

I am excited about work, and trepidatious about leaving my little one. I will be glad to have something structured to do again, since the move disrupted the mothering structure I had built up with LB. And I have been floundering ever since. I have decided that I dearly need some local friends I can trust, more people like [livejournal.com profile] almeda. Trying to make friends on the block is just proving far too . . . political and I am going to stop trying, except for the one next-door neighbor, who is apparently acceptable. I am hoping I can connect with fans in Chicagoland, since that is a subculture I am used to navigating.

I really miss T and [livejournal.com profile] pickleboot and [livejournal.com profile] envoy and [livejournal.com profile] foxxydancr.
mornglory: (Default)
Of my many troubles with living here, two come to the forefront. I really DO have sensory integration issues, and I am constantly getting overwhelmed living here, to the point where I can honestly not see a plate left out of the counter. And I desperately want to dichotomize my relationships with people, and feel that I aught to know better when I catch myself doing it.

See, I apparently have this insidious little script running in the back of my head that goes "if they really care about me than they won't be hyppocrit who get on my nerves, and if they are hyppocrits who irriate me daily than they obviously don't care about me." What my little schema fails to recognize is that they can be both. And so I waffle between liking them and feeling betrayed and hurt. And the yo-yo effect is getting irritating. I wish I could stop, but I feel stuck and don't know how.
mornglory: (Default)
And the judgemental about being judgemental part of my brain is set on hyperdrive overactive. We got almost no sleep last night since LB is cutting two molars and was wanting to nurse or fussing when she wasn't nursing almost all night. Tried to go to church this morning so LB could play with other small people and I could suss out the community. Ended up being 1/2 hour late because I misremembered the start time. Got in my fight with my husband about unintentionally appearing to agree to go to the beach and hang out with Pop and G. We comprimised and went on the way home from church. Mom-in-law ended up loosing her wedding band swatting a fly off the small one. She lost a lot of weight and it flew off her finger. They can't find it. So now I live in anticipation of gloom and doom. And get mad at myself for it, because then I'm causing my own suffering anticipating some potential future suffering. And get very wound up that I can't just let it all BE.
mornglory: (Default)
Today was a pretty good day. We went to the Brookfield Zoo and saw maybe 1/4 to 1/3 of it before we petered out. They have a great play place for kids with indoor and outdoor bits. It's definately a place we'll be going back to.

Had a good talk with the bro-in-law about living here. Things just are the way they are. Rent is paid in cleaning up after one's self, even if no one else does, and in getting over things like the car borrowing. That's just how they work around here. In exchange for putting up with it, we get a roof over our head, and free child care. Kinda hard to beat.

And it's a wonderful opportunity for learning about entrenched patterns. About how possessive I am of my "stuff," and how I feel out of control when I don't have control of my environment. About how much my pride gets in the way, and how humbling myself really does make life easier. And that I really need to start affirming myself, and stop wanting others to do it for me.

My complaining about how hard it is to live here has been born out of my complete dislocation from everything I'm familiar with, including how to act around people. It doesn't mean I'm not grateful for the opportunity they offer us. I am. Having my world turned upside down sure had me grumpy for a while. I'm sure it will again.

Today, right now, I am grateful rather than annoyed, and glad for it.
mornglory: (Default)
Today really started out being a bad day. There are health insurance mixups at T's work including "an interstate move and transfer to a new store is not considered a life changing event, so you can't switch from a PPO to an HMO." We have health coverage at the moment. We're just not sure who/what/how to go.

And I needed to go to the doctor today. Because I needed a manto test before I went to work. And even though I need it for work, work isn't paying for it. And I need the 2 stage, 10 day version, as opposed to the 48 hour version. I get to have 2 injections and will just manage to squeak them in before work. And the only doctor that was willing to accept a new patient was 20 miles away in the yuppy western suburbs. Nobody else would take new patients until the end of Sept. I just need a damned manto. Really. And in driving there I was really late because there was bumper to bumper traffic, and pouring rain, and I got lost.

Oh, and in calling work about the test, I find out there is a book I have to read for the therapy supervisor that I've never heard of before but is supposed to be "a text book a lot of schools use." Only, of couse, none of the bookstores around here carry it.

So you see, I need to visit the doctor three times and read Motivational Interviewing all before Sept. 1. I already hate the red tape and it hasn't even started yet.

But ya know what? The doctor saw me anyway. My husband watched LB all day, and G cooked dinner with me. And my sauted zuccini was damned yummy. And the in-laws brought doughnuts for desert. And ya know what, being cool and fed with my husband home counts for a whole lot right now.
mornglory: (Default)
I feel like crap and I hate my in-laws. So there. I'm utterly sick of them using my car and I'm pretty sure the "What's you schedule?" question this morning is presumed to include a "since you aren't busy this afternoon I'm going to use you car." since everyone in the house left, leaving me to presumably watch the dogs along with my kid. And the only direct request I had was to ask for my car keys. Of course I figured out what they were up to, and told them to take out the car seat, but still . . . nobody ever asks "We'd like to go to the beach, can we borrow your car?" Pisses me the hell off. They didn't even invite me, unless my non-response to V's asking me if I wanted to go to the beach today was supposed to be construed as a request.

Gods, I hate these people. [livejournal.com profile] envoy is right. They dictate the terms of communication and are NOT open to a discussion of how it's not working. Everyone else is supposed to adapt or shut up, thank you very much. I have no clue what the proper procedure for expressing frustration is. It seems a little silly to have T do it but . . . this is just getting over the top and I'm sick of it. S

Lets see how well they function when we leave and take 2/3 of the cars with us.

GAH!

Aug. 16th, 2005 04:01 am
mornglory: (Default)
I am sick with a head cold and I can't sleep. I hate these summer colds. I really do. I've done what I can to boost my immune system, and made a real effort to drink enough water yesterday but I'll still so congested and my throat is sensitive/scratchy that I can't sleep. And my husband gets up in an hour to get ready for work, so I'm afraid that if I did get to sleep I'd just get woken up again. I'm afraid to go down to the kitchen and make a cup of tea because there is always someone sleeping in the livingroom. In this case, there are likely two people, since Pop or G always sleep downstairs to keep the dogs company and B is visiting this week and sleeping in the comfy chair.
mornglory: (Default)
Had an excellent conversation with [livejournal.com profile] erikted this morning while the small one napped. A whole lot of stuff was talked about/figured out/shared, and it was a moving conversation to have. I was grateful for the opportunity to connect with her when my life is being so disjointed.

I had a good time at the Ginza festival. LB and I got to see drumming and kendo and traditional dance. We ate a really cool sweet bean over crushed ice thing that was tasty. The roasted corn turned out to be mediocre, and I didn't really have to $8 to spend on a chicken. I did get two nice presents from the sale booths, however.

Lest I sounded a bit jaded in my last post, I had a really good time with [livejournal.com profile] almeda and her husband yesterday. The gaming was fun, the food was tasty and the company pleasant. There are few better ways to spend a Saturday afternoon.

Well, off to help with LB bedtime. Perhaps I can work on a more emotive/process post later, since that's actually what I'd like to work through.

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