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I am so glad the friends and family of my friends seem to have come through the London bombings alive and in one piece. Much relief there.

The small one and I had a better day today. She's gone back to nursing every couple of hours. She was in a happier mood. She took one nap in the morning. We missed the afternoon one because that was when my advisor could meet with me. She went to bed with much less fuss today, once we got on with it.

She did the cutest thing before bed. I sat on the floor, to give her some focussed attention before going to bed. She started bringing books over to me, and we read them for a bit before starting our bedtime routine. It's the first time she's shown any real interest in my reading to her. Normally we try and she takes the books away and plays with them. Today she actually let me read most of them. Or would give them back when she took them away. She even sat in my lap for some of it. Too cute. And hopefully a welcome addition to our nighttime routine. I'd love it if we could do things like this every night.

I am trying to be thankful for the less intense day, but not go "Oh thank you, things are back to normal." My latest parenting lesson is keeping in mind we are along for the ride, and thats a package deal. The days that are tough are just as much a part of it as the days that are easy. She's not here to be or do anything for me. She is her own person, and pretty dang dependent on me at that moment, but she's here for herself. And anything I want to get out of our relationship is something I have to do for myself (really, this is true in any relationship, but it's starkly clear for me in the parent-child dichotomy). I'll probably revolve around this topic later, because it's important to me, but a lot of my thoughts are well, conceptual-emotional-thoughtforms with a bodily experiential felt sense. Kinda hard to morph into words.]

But I do want to share a quote from Elizabeth Pantley's Kid Cooperation. I generally find her a little anal and a lot preachy, but this is a sermon I can get behind:
You cannot make a child eat, sleep, listen, move, say please, say I'm sorry, or go potty! Children have free will, and function totally independently of their parents from the moment of birth, even though they're totally incapable of surviving independently. It can be so frustrating. Kids are kids. They are not "rational" in the adult sense of the word. Often, we cannot understand what they are doing, or why, because they don't understand it themselves. Children are not mini-adults.


I really like that she stressed a childs functional independence. How true. I was never one to subscribe to the fused motherinfant school. I'm more of a "we are born alone, live alone, and die alone" person. As much as our lives may brush up against the lives of others, and we interact with them, we are not them and they are not us. We are the only people in our own heads, having our thoughts, feeling our emotions. No other single person experiences our stuff.

On the other hand, I also believe that we are all interconnected by all being a part of creation, so our separation is not total, but the conectedness is on a level that has nothing to do with consciousness, thoughts, emotions, or feelings. It is only by setting all of those aside, setting aside our I-ness, that we experience the connectivity. So in a sense, our I-nesses ARE always alone.

Ok, I'm sleepy now, and I'm going to go to bed.

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mornglory

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